TO BASK IN THE GLORY OF GOD’S LOVE
or to choose to live . . . In the Shadow of the Net
Since the beginning of creation, to love and be loved has been a basic need of the male and female that God created in his image. We were beautifully created and endowed with the awesome gift of our sexuality. He crowned our masculinity and femininity with the unique power of creating, with him, new and precious life. His plan gave dignity to each of us. Today, we are faced with an invasive and destructive force named pornography which strips dignity from an individual and sees another person as an object to be used for one’s personal gratification. No one deserves to be used.
God elevated our marital love, as St. Paul states in his letter to the Ephesians, by comparing it to Christ’s love for the Church. St Paul writes: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church. He gave himself up for her to make her holy, purifying her in the bath of water by the power of the word to present to himself a glorious church, holy and immaculate, without stain or wrinkle or anything of that sort. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. (Eph. 5:25-27)
The words of St. Paul call us to bestow on our beloved a love that is pure, unselfish and untarnished. And as a result, our love has the ability to change, form and make our spouse holy and beautiful in Gods eyes and ours.
Implanted deep within each of us lies a yearning for what is good, right and sacred. We know internally that freedom and beauty dwell within the invitation to love as Christ has love us – faithfully, unconditionally, steadfastly and forever.
Yet, our journey towards God finds us in a world that hawks images and offers illusions of false love. This enticement invites us off onto a dark side road. While other ways exist that have the power to destroy a marriage, pornography, and the invasion of the ease-of-access internet have dramatically and proportionately had a devastating effect on marriage and relationships.
Research affirms what many spouses already knew as they watched their marriage deteriorate. They were unable to name the culprit because most often an addiction to pornography is kept secret and hidden. Damage to the relationship is inevitable. We know that it decays authentic love and destroys the sacred promise to love and honor the other, all the days of our life. Feeling used is a common reference from a wife whose husband’s heart has been turned over to pornography. We know that spouses of those addicted to pornography often speak of feeling devalued, betrayed, deceived, ignored and abandoned. 1 Certainly as we look at the research that follows we can understand the validity of these feelings.
Professors Dolf Zillman of Indiana University and Jennings Bryant of the University of Houston found that repeated exposure to pornography results in a decreased satisfaction with one’s sexual partner, with the partner’s sexuality, a decrease in the valuation of faithfulness and a major increase in the importance of sex without attachment. 2
A study conducted by Dr. Reo Christensen of Miami University in Oxford, Ohio, found that pornography leaves the impression with its viewers that sex has no relationship to privacy; that it is unrelated to love, commitment or marriage; and that irresponsible sex has no adverse consequences. 3
Empirical research suggests that when experimental subjects are exposed to repeated presentations of hardcore non-violent adult pornography over a six-week period, they:
Develop an increased callousness toward women
Trivialize rape as a criminal offense; to some it was no longer a crime at all
Develop distorted perceptions about sexuality
Devalue the importance of monogamy and lack confidence in marriage as a lasting institution
View non-monogamous relationships as normal and natural behavior.
Develop an appetite for more deviant, bizarre, or violent types of pornography; normal sex no longer seemed to “do the job” 4
While most of the research on pornography has been done on men, the percentage of women using pornography has rapidly increased due to the internet. The research on women will soon be forthcoming. But it is important to note that pornography use by a single individual before marriage, if left unchecked, is just as destructive to future marital unions as it is to existing ones.
Reading the research is not easy to read. It fact, it is disturbing and sometimes leaves us feeling that anger and fear overtake any sense of hope. But our God is a God of wonder and promise. His word sustains us, his love strengthens us.
“The desire of the righteous will be granted. (Prov. 10:24)
He who began a good work in you will complete it. (Phil. 1:6)
The God of heaven will give us success (Neh. 2:20)
From the world of research: The words of Melissa McBurney M.D. are most encouraging. She states: “My years counseling hundreds of women whose husbands have betrayed them with pornography have convinced me that reconciliation can happen. Forgiveness can be exchanged. Trust can be rebuilt. God has the power to obliterate even such addictions as sexual sin.”
From the teachings of the church: 1602. Sacred Scripture begins with the creation of man and woman in the image and likeness of God and concludes with a vision of "the wedding-feast of the Lamb." Scripture speaks throughout of marriage and its "mystery," its institution and the meaning God has given it, its origin and its end, its various realizations throughout the history of salvation, the difficulties arising from sin and its renewal "in the Lord" in the New Covenant of Christ and the Church.
From the word of God: I will espouse you to me forever: I will espouse you in right and in justice, in love and in mercy; I will espouse you in fidelity, and you shall know the Lord. (Hosea 2:21-22)
In numerous ways God’s words show us that He extends his hand to us, welcoming us always with love and forgiveness. Ours is but to take the first step toward His love and mercy.
My House - Diocesan Anti-Pornography Initiative
