Yesterday, in a glorious moment of silence, I was overcome with adeep sense of peace and connectedness to God. I took out my notepad and wrote the following thoughts as they tumbled out of me:
“I cannot divorce myself from You, dear God. Wherever I am, there You are also, like a vine wrapped tightly around my thoughts and movements. Yet unlike a vine, You do not cling but let me breathe and think and move with utter freedom. I simply must deduce that wrapped in You I haven’t the will to leave for I have willingly surrendered mine - which at best was marginal - to be led by You.
“Lest critics say that I have joined a cult or chosen to be brainwashed, let me state in irrevocable terms that I am not so pure or guileless to give myself up so completely. For, as are all sinners, I am weak and obstinate and selfish and reactionary – not traits that lend themselves to waving a white flag or lying down on the road or turning the other cheek.
“I simply accept that I want God as my center, my foundation, my vision, my axis. Without Him how do I see into the vastness of space or discover the riches that abound deep in the hearts of others? Without God, I cannot listen or taste or feel or sense anything beyond myself. I am limited.”
Imagine the joy I feel today, reading a homily from the second century in the Liturgy of the Hour, which compels readers to “Think of a tree, and see how you resemble it. A vine, for example, first sheds it leaves and then the bud appears; after that there comes the sour grape and finally a cluster of ripened fruit. So it is with my people. They have had their tumults and afflictions, but afterward will come their reward.”
Here I stand Lord, one of Your people of good will, a vine of The Vine having shed my leaves, presented a bud and, on a given day, most probably teetering between the sour grape and ripened fruit stage. In the Liturgy of the Hour, it is Saint Augustine who speaks of good will, saying, “So God, who gives to those of good will both the desire and the accomplishment of the things that belong to Him, is the one who began this work, the one who has brought it to completion.”
Whether barren, in bloom, sour or sweetly ripe, God has brought forth in me the fervent desire to be His, to offer all that I have - toil and sweat, thoughts and words, love and sacrifice – in His name and for His purpose. He has brought me in from the cold and angry wasteland of disbelief that produces only bitterness and anger into the warmth and joy of hope that fills me with the desire to run the race to completion. I do not know whether my accomplishments can be counted, only that belonging to and guided by God rather than my own will, whatever I do is of value.
And so I pray: Let me be a vine, a steward of good will who seeks only to serve You, dear Lord so that Your love and glory shine through me.
Yesterday, in a glorious moment of silence, I was overcome with adeep sense of peace and connectedness to God. I took out my notepad and wrote the following thoughts as they tumbled out of me: 